This hits home in so many ways. Thank you - I have such a visceral reaction to this language around "leaving it too late," or "geriatric pregnancy" (maybe because I started my pregnancy journey at 37, and had many providers refer to me as a "geriatric pregnancy"). It is infuriating, and we definitely need to highlight these misogynist phrases. My pregnancy losses, however, did not happen because of my age. They happened for so many other reasons. And those reasons, I've always felt, weren't explored or honored because of my age.
I wonder how much farther along we might be in pregnancy perinatal health if we stopped relying on the "biological clock," and focused on care and research.
It took about 3.5 years of trying to conceive to get pregnant with our daughter who was born a month before my 32nd birthday. If my first pregnancy hadn’t ended in a miscarriage I would have been 28- my twin sister who started trying around the same time as me and didn’t have infertility had her sons at 29 and 31. I definitely felt like we started trying when we were ready and I appreciate the nuance of this piece.
This is such a vital and important piece of writing. As someone who would qualify as part of the 'leaving it too late' crowd I have long felt the weight of blame and judgement attached to my struggles to conceive and my four miscarriages. My husband and I got together when we were 34; started trying when I was 35; first miscarriage at 36, second at 37; endometriosis diagnosed at 38 (after years and years of crippling periods ignored and dismissed); beautiful daughter born when I was 39. I don't for one second deny that age plays a significant factor. It's clear fertility declines with age. But it's complicated. We aren't all with the partner we want to have children with when we arrive at and sail through what's considered the optimum age to try to conceive. It's not always about choice.
After 2 more miscarriages I am shocked, but profoundly grateful, to find myself 32 weeks pregnant at 43. Again, I'm not denying that my age has played a role in our losses and our experiences, but why is no one looking at why some people can and do conceive at an advanced age?
The idea that women are leaving it too late and therefore architects of our own potential doom is maddeningly reductive and fuels a misogynistic argument that serves no one and solves nothing.
I feel you regarding the living apart situation - we didn’t ‘leave it too late’ in the sense that the loss of my ovary in my 20s made us try before we even had jobs in the same place and it led to me being alone in my first and most traumatic miscarriage, a very high price to pay for ‘not leaving it too late’ as I wasn’t even able to get to the phone to get myself an ambulance. So I feel your anger , when I think of the personal safety that’s endangered by the ‘tick, tick’ casual statements. (Not sure if this statement makes sense, but can’t describe it better right now).
This hits home in so many ways. Thank you - I have such a visceral reaction to this language around "leaving it too late," or "geriatric pregnancy" (maybe because I started my pregnancy journey at 37, and had many providers refer to me as a "geriatric pregnancy"). It is infuriating, and we definitely need to highlight these misogynist phrases. My pregnancy losses, however, did not happen because of my age. They happened for so many other reasons. And those reasons, I've always felt, weren't explored or honored because of my age.
I wonder how much farther along we might be in pregnancy perinatal health if we stopped relying on the "biological clock," and focused on care and research.
It took about 3.5 years of trying to conceive to get pregnant with our daughter who was born a month before my 32nd birthday. If my first pregnancy hadn’t ended in a miscarriage I would have been 28- my twin sister who started trying around the same time as me and didn’t have infertility had her sons at 29 and 31. I definitely felt like we started trying when we were ready and I appreciate the nuance of this piece.
Great piece Jennie. This should be published in the mainstream press. I've learnt a new word too: abnegation :)
This is such a vital and important piece of writing. As someone who would qualify as part of the 'leaving it too late' crowd I have long felt the weight of blame and judgement attached to my struggles to conceive and my four miscarriages. My husband and I got together when we were 34; started trying when I was 35; first miscarriage at 36, second at 37; endometriosis diagnosed at 38 (after years and years of crippling periods ignored and dismissed); beautiful daughter born when I was 39. I don't for one second deny that age plays a significant factor. It's clear fertility declines with age. But it's complicated. We aren't all with the partner we want to have children with when we arrive at and sail through what's considered the optimum age to try to conceive. It's not always about choice.
After 2 more miscarriages I am shocked, but profoundly grateful, to find myself 32 weeks pregnant at 43. Again, I'm not denying that my age has played a role in our losses and our experiences, but why is no one looking at why some people can and do conceive at an advanced age?
The idea that women are leaving it too late and therefore architects of our own potential doom is maddeningly reductive and fuels a misogynistic argument that serves no one and solves nothing.
I feel you regarding the living apart situation - we didn’t ‘leave it too late’ in the sense that the loss of my ovary in my 20s made us try before we even had jobs in the same place and it led to me being alone in my first and most traumatic miscarriage, a very high price to pay for ‘not leaving it too late’ as I wasn’t even able to get to the phone to get myself an ambulance. So I feel your anger , when I think of the personal safety that’s endangered by the ‘tick, tick’ casual statements. (Not sure if this statement makes sense, but can’t describe it better right now).