“...relationships and spaces that previously were a safe harbour can be transformed into something more effortful. It’s hard when you find yourself having to perform for people who previously you could just be with”. This. This is exactly it. For this reason I have distanced myself from many. It’s enough effort as it is to just get through multiple ivf cycles. It’s sad but was necessary. You got the experience of a pregnancy announcement spot on - it’s SUCH a minefield of emotions whilst having to outwardly have the appropriate and expected reaction.
Your words really speak to me this week Jennie. I can feel myself pulling further and further inward in my sadness at secondary infertility. I never wanted to end up back in this place again but just can’t find a way out. It’s all just incredibly hard, as your words this week articulate so well.
As always, your words resonated with me deeply, particularly this line: "How can this cuddle convince everybody that you’re Actually Fine and not a lunatic who might burst into tears and/or steal this baby (which is not your baby)?"
Holding an old friend's baby last year - who would have been the same age as my baby if I'd not miscarried - was possibly the hardest thing for me and the mental gymnastics required to NOT think of it like this is often too much.
Gosh, as always I'm blown away by how much your words resonate with my experience. Thanks so much Jennie. Feeling soooo exhausted with all of the above right now. I'm especially troubled by still finding pregnancy announcements utterly soul-destroying despite finally having a living baby.
Somewhat off topic, but not being able to get a place in my local NCT group because I left it too late to book was really significant for me and I haven't come across anyone else who this happened to. Most of my friends have formed really close friendships with their NCT pals and it didn't work out for me as they all lived too far away to meet up regularly. I also found all the chat about when they were all going to have their second baby really alienating (and the pregnancy announcements in the NCT WhatsApp group have already started). It's yet another secondary loss.
“...relationships and spaces that previously were a safe harbour can be transformed into something more effortful. It’s hard when you find yourself having to perform for people who previously you could just be with”. This. This is exactly it. For this reason I have distanced myself from many. It’s enough effort as it is to just get through multiple ivf cycles. It’s sad but was necessary. You got the experience of a pregnancy announcement spot on - it’s SUCH a minefield of emotions whilst having to outwardly have the appropriate and expected reaction.
Your words really speak to me this week Jennie. I can feel myself pulling further and further inward in my sadness at secondary infertility. I never wanted to end up back in this place again but just can’t find a way out. It’s all just incredibly hard, as your words this week articulate so well.
As always, your words resonated with me deeply, particularly this line: "How can this cuddle convince everybody that you’re Actually Fine and not a lunatic who might burst into tears and/or steal this baby (which is not your baby)?"
Holding an old friend's baby last year - who would have been the same age as my baby if I'd not miscarried - was possibly the hardest thing for me and the mental gymnastics required to NOT think of it like this is often too much.
Gosh, as always I'm blown away by how much your words resonate with my experience. Thanks so much Jennie. Feeling soooo exhausted with all of the above right now. I'm especially troubled by still finding pregnancy announcements utterly soul-destroying despite finally having a living baby.
Somewhat off topic, but not being able to get a place in my local NCT group because I left it too late to book was really significant for me and I haven't come across anyone else who this happened to. Most of my friends have formed really close friendships with their NCT pals and it didn't work out for me as they all lived too far away to meet up regularly. I also found all the chat about when they were all going to have their second baby really alienating (and the pregnancy announcements in the NCT WhatsApp group have already started). It's yet another secondary loss.
This definitely resonates!