How was your weekend? I mostly spent mine in the garden, wrestling with a propagator and trying to pretend like I actually know what I’m doing with seeds. 🌱
For this week’s thread, I’m going to ask you about you. I hope you won’t mind, but I’ve made a series of handy polls for you to answer, because I want this newsletter to really work for you, where you’re at, and the things you’re most interested in.
For one week only, I’m also opening this thread up to everybody, rather than paying subscribers only. (Though if you do want to join us in the lovely, thoughtful paid community, you’d be able to join in on previous discussions, such as last week’s about how loss or infertility changed your relationship with work or this one, about the best and worst things doctors have said to you.)
The super-observant among you will have noted that this email is titled ‘Monday musings’ and it is, by now, not Monday. This is because I apparently didn’t select the substack option that would send this to my whole list, but hopefully you’re reading this now.
(Paid subs, I can only apologise if you’ve received this twice).
Anyway, here are my nosey questions…
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NB. I can only add 5 options here, so if none of the above apply - you’re pregnant after loss, for example - please do feel free to message me or add a note in the comments, as some have already done.
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Thank you for indulging me in this brief customer survey. Do feel free to tell me about your weekend/garden misadventures in the comments below…
I put myself as a parent after loss/infertility. 4 pregnancies so far, #1 an early miscarriage, #2 gave me my almost 3-yr old, #3 another early miscarriage, and #4 was a stillbirth at 5 months (at the beginning of this year). Reading your writing in your blog and your book has given me validation on many of my thoughts, fears and anxieties, as we navigate trying again soon.
I put ttc although myself and my partner are having a years’ break after an ectopic pregnancy surgery last October. I know you could only have five options, but I suppose it shows how complex this whole path can be. Although we’re not actively trying to conceive and I’m focussing on enjoying life, the thought of us starting again is never far from both of our minds. (Like you though, it was a much needed break as we both wanted to go on holiday without having to worry about having a miscarriage while sitting around the pool…!) Wanted to comment and contribute as I admire your writing greatly. It is such a tonic to me x
I put myself as a parent, as although I had one loss before my son most of my losses are since having him. I think Jenny below said it perfectly- your understanding of the complexities of situations like recurrent loss, secondary infertility etc is what drew me here too and what I like reading about, although I also love the recommendations. And I am also in the category of actively not trying any longer, which again is something not many people write about but is such an important topic for me to see discussed x
I put myself as a parent. I've suffered from secondary infertility and losses with now only option being ivf (not currently trying and think there is only so many times you can put yourself through that!)
I wondered whether there would be an option around people who are stopping trying. Maybe a bit too specific
Hi Jenny, I’ve chosen bereaved parent as I could only choose one but I’m also a parent to a living child (born before loss), currently pregnant after 4 losses and hopefully soon to be a parent after a loss. I think your understanding of the complexity of situations like mine is that drew me to your writing and what I like reading about
I’m a parent of an almost 3 year old, struggling to conceive, and struggling post-miscarriage. This week will mark a year since. It’s also my baby brother’s birthday week (he died 6 years ago at 25 from metastasized melanoma. Diagnosed and gone within 11 days.) Your writing helps keep me grounded and reminds me to write again. Thank you ❤️
Hi Jennie hope you're well. I'm pregnant after loss so didnt quite fit your first categories. On the gardening front I'm growing sunflowers and they are looking good but in need of re-potting but couldn't summon up the energy yesterday!
Hi Jenny, pregnant here after multiple losses and failed IVF rounds (6 years of it). Still feels VERY weird to write that, I almost didn’t because I still feel like it might go wrong. But I love your work so wanted to input. xx
Currently pregnant after recurrent pregnancy loss.
I put myself as a parent after loss/infertility. 4 pregnancies so far, #1 an early miscarriage, #2 gave me my almost 3-yr old, #3 another early miscarriage, and #4 was a stillbirth at 5 months (at the beginning of this year). Reading your writing in your blog and your book has given me validation on many of my thoughts, fears and anxieties, as we navigate trying again soon.
Hi Jennie,
I put ttc although myself and my partner are having a years’ break after an ectopic pregnancy surgery last October. I know you could only have five options, but I suppose it shows how complex this whole path can be. Although we’re not actively trying to conceive and I’m focussing on enjoying life, the thought of us starting again is never far from both of our minds. (Like you though, it was a much needed break as we both wanted to go on holiday without having to worry about having a miscarriage while sitting around the pool…!) Wanted to comment and contribute as I admire your writing greatly. It is such a tonic to me x
I put myself as a parent, as although I had one loss before my son most of my losses are since having him. I think Jenny below said it perfectly- your understanding of the complexities of situations like recurrent loss, secondary infertility etc is what drew me here too and what I like reading about, although I also love the recommendations. And I am also in the category of actively not trying any longer, which again is something not many people write about but is such an important topic for me to see discussed x
I put myself as a parent. I've suffered from secondary infertility and losses with now only option being ivf (not currently trying and think there is only so many times you can put yourself through that!)
I wondered whether there would be an option around people who are stopping trying. Maybe a bit too specific
Hi Jenny, I’ve chosen bereaved parent as I could only choose one but I’m also a parent to a living child (born before loss), currently pregnant after 4 losses and hopefully soon to be a parent after a loss. I think your understanding of the complexity of situations like mine is that drew me to your writing and what I like reading about
TW: loss from cancer…
I’m a parent of an almost 3 year old, struggling to conceive, and struggling post-miscarriage. This week will mark a year since. It’s also my baby brother’s birthday week (he died 6 years ago at 25 from metastasized melanoma. Diagnosed and gone within 11 days.) Your writing helps keep me grounded and reminds me to write again. Thank you ❤️
Hi Jennie hope you're well. I'm pregnant after loss so didnt quite fit your first categories. On the gardening front I'm growing sunflowers and they are looking good but in need of re-potting but couldn't summon up the energy yesterday!
Hi Jenny, pregnant here after multiple losses and failed IVF rounds (6 years of it). Still feels VERY weird to write that, I almost didn’t because I still feel like it might go wrong. But I love your work so wanted to input. xx