Instructions for when everything feels a bit much

(Notes to self)

Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash

Step 1: Make a cup of tea. Decaf, preferably. Absolutely, positively do not pour yourself that third coffee. OK, definitely not a fourth. Put it down right this second. Do you hear me, me?

Sit down, if you haven’t done that for a while. (Or stand up, if you haven’t done that for a while).

Stir something. Sugar into aforementioned tea. Porridge. Risotto. Soup from a tin. Don’t do anything else while you stir. No audiobook. No podcast. No politicians burbling unpersuasively on the radio. Just watch. Just wait.

(N.B. If this step makes you feel twitchy, it suggests you should have started this process a little sooner. But don’t worry, the end result should still be the same.)  

Confine the news to where it belongs: newspapers, websites you pay a subscription to read, nightly broadcasts. This isn’t the same as burying your head in the sand. But turn off the ‘breaking news’ alerts.

Turn off all notifications, for that matter. Put your phone in the kitchen after 8pm. Leave it there. Delete the problem apps. You know the ones I mean.

Read something you’ve read before. Watch something that doesn’t use dead women like they’re part of the furniture. Look out the window. Do nothing. Do something – anything – but with permission to let yourself stop after 10 minutes if it still feels awful.

Curl up with a cat. If you don’t have one to hand, then a dog will do. Or simply curl up like a cat: this generally means seeking out the squishiest seat in the place, or the nearest patch of sun, depending on the weather. The trick is to really luxuriate in it.  

Drink some water. Repeat.

Put on your most comfortable clothes. Or if you really can’t bear it, stay in your pyjamas. Only insist on different, clean pyjamas later. Trust me, you’ll feel better for it.

Shower. Tidy your room. Throw something away and never think about it again. Delete some emails. Put something on the backburner. Close those tabs. That long read will still be here when you’re ready. And you really don’t need to read another think-piece about trad wives anyway.

Go outside. Or go to bed.

Get the work done and then go home.

Log off.

Leave it at the door.

Breathe.

In case you didn’t quite catch the vibe, I’m feeling a bit done in. Nothing remotely serious, just in need of a break, so I’m taking June off from this newsletter. Adored and appreciated paying subscribers, as I explained on Tuesday, billing will be paused while I’m away. And I’ll be back in your inboxes on July 4th. Look after your lovely selves!